I went out on my purple sailboat, intending to go fishing. Fishing for what, I didn't know. Fishing for fish, I assumed. But, the waters turned out to be poisoned by pollution, so all the fish were dead. But I decided to keep sailing on my purple boat, because purple is my favorite color. And sunset was a beautiful, colorful thing to sail off into. I didn't care if it was getting dark, because after all, the fish were all dead. Or so I thought.
But then, a big fish appeared. And he wasn't even dead. He was fishing for me, he said. He was a talking fish. He said, I am a fisher of men. So are you Jesus, or Peter, I asked him? No, I'm just hungry, and you look delicious, he said. And these purple, polluted waters have destroyed all my food. But, I said, I am not Jonah, and you are not a whale, so what's the deal? You're not even purple!
Swiftly, I tried to sail away. But he caught up with me, and ate me. You are delicious, the fish said as he swallowed me. Thanks for the compliment, I replied. I died at least knowing I got a compliment.
So how can I write this if I am dead, you ask? I'll leave that for you to answer. All I can advise you is, if you must stay alive, at least be delicious!