The first thing I think of when I hear "rules for living" is Barney Fife on the Andy Griffith Show (played by Don Knotts), when he is giving a lecture to a prisoner. "The first rule is, obey all rules!" Then I think of Rev. Bob Lehman here at the First Unitarian Church of San Jose in the early 1980s, who said "All rules are rules of thumb." That means to me that they are approximate and changeable, unlike what strict old fashioned traditions might say. But these days, of course, authorities and would-be authorities still like to impose rigid rules on people anyway, whether they really help our living or not, despite Rev. Lehman's advice. I also remember Bill Moyers' interview with Joseph Campbell, who quoted Nietzsche from Thus Spake Zarathustra as saying that the path of the Superman begins by breaking all the tablets that say "thou shalt." The higher evolved human is held back by outdated rules, is how I interpret this aphorism. Become who you really are, and then you won't need them. The Dalai Lama said that when you know who you really are, everything is possible. (p.10, Fundamentals of Tibetan Buddhism by Rebecca McClen Novick).
But since we are not superman or wonderwoman yet, we still like to have some rules for guidance that are better than the list of thou shalt nots that Moses brought down from the mountain. I notice, though, that it's a lot easier to describe the rules than to follow them.
One of the best list of rules for living was given by Siddhartha Gautama Shakyamuni, the Buddha. Let's see if I can remember the eight rules in the 8-fold path, as I interpret them: reference: tricycle.org/magazine/noble-eightfold-path
Right View: This means seeing things as they really are. Buddhist living begins with the recognition that all beings are basically empty; The Great Void or The Magnificent Void it's sometimes called. I prefer to call it pure consciousness. The illusion of the substantial nature of the world is only based on our sensations of pressure. We can see past that when we focus our view. Right Concentration (mentioned below) helps us with this rule, which is also called Right Understanding.
Right Intention: Walk the path with the right motivation, a sincere dedication to grow in wisdom and to create a better life for yourself and others. This rule is also called Right Thought, which means thoughts of love, selfless detachment and non-violence.
Right Livelihood: Earn a living in ways that are helpful to yourself and others, not harmful, and which help you on your path.
Right Effort: Don't give up; persevere.
Right Mindfulness: This is the toughest and most important rule of the eight. Pay attention to you're being here, instead of caught up in every mental and emotional distraction.
Right Concentration: learn to focus attention to achieve mental stability in meditation practice and to provide more energy for fulfilling your intentions.
Well, that's only six I can remember. There must be a reason I forgot these two. I'll have to look them up. OK, I found them:
Right Speech: Don't lie, gossip or use harsh or divisive speech. Of course, living in America today, one cannot tell the truth and not be divisive, but that's the way it goes. We do the best we can. This one reminds me of #1 of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, another famous source of rules for living. It says to be impeccable with your word.
Right Action: That's kind of a generic rule, so no wonder I forgot it. It just means be virtuous, and it's sometimes explained as being peaceful, being honest, not stealing, helping others in the right way, etc.. It is also like one of the Four Agreements, #4, which just says always do your best.
The other two agreements are #2 don't take anything personally, and #3 don't make assumptions. Along with these he published a 5th agreement, which is an extension of #3, don't make assumptions. It says to be skeptical. That means use your own best discretion in evaluating statements, beliefs, ideas, theories, principles, findings, other rules, etc. ardenbnb.ca/agreements.htm
All these rules can help you do the right thing, and help cure the cause of suffering, which the Buddha basically defined as being emotionally disturbed by what happens in life. The cause of suffering is our craving, or attachment to things, which I also call being possessed or taken over, or forcing things to go our way. The eight-fold path leads to the cure, called nirvana. Together, these are the four noble truths. https://www.bookdepository.com/Fundamentals-Tibetan-Buddhism-Rebecca-McClen-Novick/9780895949530 pp.35-41.
But I have needed to follow, or try to follow, some other rules, some of which I codified for myself. In addition to Right Mindfulness, or being here, I also set myself the task of increasingly allowing others to be free and be themselves, instead of imposing my will on them. Two other rules help me to interact with others openly with less fear, and to behave and move more gracefully. First is to be willing to expose myself, not in an imposing way, but to allow others in and let them see me. The other side of that is to remember that I inherently know what's right, and what is good form. This refers to virtue, but also to my own inward sense of aesthetics as well, and to the idea that virtue and beauty are one. A fifth rule is authenticity, which can be found by centering in the heart. These 5 rules are aligned with the 5 directions.
My own 2nd rule reminds me of another famous set of rules for living has to do with non-violent communication, as described by Marshall Rosenberg. It basically fills out the Buddhist rule of Right Speech. It says to speak from your feelings, more than from thoughts. He calls that the language of life. He says we come from a tradition of punishing people for wrongdoing, and so we judge and make demands on people instead of saying what we feel and asking for what we need. The four D's or "Don'ts" of "Disconnection”" are tragic expressions of unmet needs:
Diagnosis, or who is what? Judging, labeling, criticizing, telling people what you think is wrong with them.
Denial of Responsibility, or who is to blame? Dwelling on what you think you have to do, when you actually have a choice.
Demand, or who has power? Commanding others to do what you want, or else you will be punished.
Deserve, or who deserves what? This links behavior with a punishment or a reward, instead of what will satisfy a need or a want. slideshare.net/nonviolent/four-ds-of-disconnection-nonviolent-communication
If we can communicate from our real needs, wants and values, says Rosenberg, we won't relate to each other like violent overlords over their subjects, and we'll have more peace in the world. www.nonviolentcommunication.com/aboutnvc/aboutnvc.htm
My favorite rule is: keep the spirit alive!
Inspiration for my rule comes from 1. First Unitarian minister Rev. Byrd Helligas, who served from 1967 to 1974, who encouraged us to let the blossoms of life grow up between the cracks of the concrete and asphalt pavements of life, and 2. From my favorite sixties song " Witchi Tai To" by Everything is Everything/Jim Pepper, which says "water spirit feeling springin' 'round my head, makes me feel glad that I'm not dead"